sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
