Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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