She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
