every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
