these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
