That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
