I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
