Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
