He kissed a someone with a penis
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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