I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
