I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
