i need an iv and a liver transplant
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
