the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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