I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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