I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
