ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
