come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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