despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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