Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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