peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
