When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
