I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
only you would photoshop your dick
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
