I just pynch a tree in the face
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
