Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
