A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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