Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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