I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
