We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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