I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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