There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
