just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
