i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
