I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
