i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
