you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
