Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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