You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
