I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
