Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There's always time for handjobs
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
