I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
