if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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