Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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