just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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