i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize