we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
