my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
