Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
