Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
