Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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