Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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