do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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