a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
