I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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