Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
