I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
