i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
