Don't you send me to vm
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We have started to decorate penises.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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