booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
