i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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