my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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