Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
