we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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