so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
