After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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