My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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