And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
