He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
