i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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