remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
