After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
