her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize