I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it glows. i had to have it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
