planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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