You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
