I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize