Apparently you make a good broom.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
