I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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