i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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