happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
