what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
