they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
