Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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