i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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