Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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