HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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